wEEk of 9/2/03
Bush Dresses for election success
President Bush unveiled his new 2004 election strategy over the Labor Day holiday -- dress like the people you want to vote for you.
wEEk of 8/25/03
doj recruits iraq forces
Attorney General John Ashcroft is recruiting former Iraqi security forces to prosecute war on terrorism.
wEEk of 7/31/03
Wolfowitz calls jla to rescue
League of super heroes to oversee rebuilding of Iraq.
Book changed president's life
Children's Economics book prepared C student for Presidency.
wEEk of 7/7/03
Bush intends to end deficit by not paying
The Bush administration announced its most recent deficit reduction plan.
Blair won't get congressional medal
House Speaker Dennis Hastert announced a delay in awarding the Congressional Medal of Honor to honor Tony Blair
wEEk of 7/7/03
BUsh: TAX cuts help endangered species
President Bush defended tax cuts for the rich to help preserve endangered species.
Texas draws new voting map
Texas Legislators unveil new voting districts.
wEEk of 6/9/03
WMRs,
not WMDS: liberal media
got it wrong
Hussein's yacht was one of the many weapons of mass recreation that prompted US invasion.
House cuts Taxes to poor
House votes to cut inheritance and dividend taxes for poor
wEEk of 5/12/03
BUSH declares god terrorist
Bush presents Security with evidence of divine terrorism in the Midwest last week.
new bush peace Plan to develop PAlestine
Bush and Arial Sharon pose in front of the Wailing Wall to announce free trade and democratic peace for Palestine if they do what we tell them.
wEEk of 4/28/03
Now
Bush wants
to ride bomb
After sitting in the back seat of a fighter landing on a perfectly still aircraft carrier, Bush wants to ride his own bomb. (Image courtesy of a web-based political watchdog).
Congress moves to Handcuff judges, dictionary
House leaders, tired of Federal Judges thinking for themselves, move to slap them into shape
wEEk of 4/21/03
US Bombs UN
President Bush ended months of diplomatic stand-offs when he ordered the bombing of the United Nations early this morning.
Wile
E. coyote captured
by US Troops
Notorious terrorist Wile E. Coyote was captured trying to flee into Syria. DOD Secretary of Defense claims Coyote is guilty of “all kinds of things.”
wEEk of 4/14/03
Pentagon auctions artifacts
Secretary of Defense Rumsfeld auctions this fine Iraqi treasure to launch the Pentagon’s new web site to finance the war.
Rumsfeld liberates State department
Former Secretary of State Powell with resume in hand.
wEEk of 4/7/03
God demands retraction
Furious with stories linking him to Bush, including the story below.
God Vindicates Bush
Two make joint appearance to troops in Iraq.
wEEk of 3/31/03
Cheney admits He’s Antichrist
wEEk of 3/24/03
Pentagon
wants “Hot chicks”
to report
Pentagon to surprise saddam
wEEk of 3/17/03
Bush:
OKay to
kill unborn terrorists
French feel no Pain froM anti-French protests
Security at Orange to support Texas Basketball
wEEk of 3/10/03
Bush
plans to
sell iraqi OIL
To pay for war
wEEk of 2/24/03
Bush declares war on God
Bush sends Nukes to North Korea
wEEk of 2/13/03
Bush
calls
Germans cowards
BUSH SAYS
IRAN NEXT!
If you don't believe me, go back and read his State of the Union address.
NEW
REPUBLICAN DOCTRINE:
States’ Rights Superceded by God's will
freedom-loving Americans
and world citizens
have visited this site.
Christians, Jews, Moslems,
Hindus, Buddhists,
Taoists, Shintos, atheists and anyone else welcome.
Put the Ten Commandments Where They Belong
8/25/03: The real truth about the Ten Commanments monument in Alabama is, who gives a shit?
Conspiracy Theorists Take Heart:
Hussein Brothers Alive and Spending Reward
[Post-arrest note: Where do you think the $700k
they found hussein with came from?]
8/01/03: Here’s one for all you conspiracy theorists cruising the net for the latest evidence of a cover-up at Roswell, or the missing part of Kennedy's brain. The Bush-Lite administration, fucked up big time and gave Sodomite Hussein and his two sons, Hooty and Kiss Ass, as much money as some state lotteries.
It isn't lying when you already made the decision
7/17/03: The Bush-Lite administration, faced with increasing criticism from an inconsequential liberal my ass media, told reporters and the equally inconsequential Republicrat party of annoyance (formerly known as Democrats) to get over it. He lied and there's nothing they can do about it.
Joe Krank Still Missing
7/7/03: Joe Krank, missing since the first Texas legislative redistricting proposal last May, still hasn’t been found. He did manage to forward the two news stories to the left, but he remains on the run from Bush's recent war on criticism (see The Onion for June 2, 2003).
He claims that rumors that he was checked into a rehab clinic after a family intervention are patently false and spread by the corporate propaganda machine. "Last time I had to deal with my family was when my son lifted my ATM card," he said during a phone interview. Then he hung up so no one could trace the call.
Big Business Loves Taxes (The Taxes We Pay)
Halliburton & Bechtel cash in on war paid for with taxes.
Taxpayers paying for the friendly skies as well
5/14/03: Big business hates taxes? Don’t believe it. They loves taxes that you pay so the government can give them loans, nifty contracts to rebuild countries we destroyed and even pay for an army to protect their interests. The only taxes they don’t want to pay are their own,
Cheney Voted Green in Elections
Vice president voted green ballot in prior elections
Ballots cast early and given directly to candidates
| 4/28/03: Prior to the 2000 elections, the liberal my ass media devoted almost an hour to criticize Vice President not-elected Dick Cheney for not voting in previous elections. Recent revelations show that Cheney cast a ballot more powerful than most of us can cast. Cheney's ballot was green and is often referred to as “money.” |
|
Bush: Why Won’t the UN Play With Me?
President of the united States, and entire staff with him, seems clueless as to why the UN Won’t end sanctions
President not-elected George Bush-Lite can’t figure out why the UN Security Council won’t lift sanctions against Iraq. After all, after we told them they’re irrelevant, and bombed the shit out of Iraq, and destroyed Iraq’s infra-structure in defiance of Security Council policy, you would think they’d be eager to go belly up and do whatever he tells them.
Now Rumsfeld Says Looting is Good
With the heat on over the chaos reigning in raq
Rumsfeld claims free people have the right to crime
| 4/14/03 Last week Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld threw a temper tantrum because reporters weren’t reporting the “good stuff” about developing events in Iraq. He turned the bad press to good press by declaring that the looting and crime are good things. |
|
Don Rumsfeld Is an Office Weasel
He's the guy who takes credit for your work
and blames you when there's a problem.
|
Would you let this guy run your war? |
Monday 3/31/03: As the war turned uglier than the shock and awe campaign he promised America, when Iraqis didn't welcome us with open arms as he swore they would, when the Iraqi army didn't roll over and die as he predicted, what did Secretary of Pretense Don Rumsfeld do? Blamed other people. |
Americans Surprised by Iraqi Resistance
Lack of iraqi support attributed to nationalist upsurge
Tueday, 3/25/03: President Bush-Lite's War Marketing Department now says they weren't prepared for a sudden upsurge in Iraqi nationalism. A number of Iraqis have to told reporters they would rather live under Saddam's repression than US repression, a sentiment that completely baffles war planners who believed the Iraqis would greet us with open arms.
Media Cowers under Pentagon Glare
war marketers Take media for a ride in iraq
then tell them where to get off
| Monday 3/24/03: Defense secretary Dagwood Bumstead, I mean Donald Rumsfeld, and Bush-Lite's War Marketing Department bullied the already compliant liberal my-ass media into sparing sensitive readers and viewers from images of our dead soldiers and POWs in Iraq. The cowardly liberal my-ass media tucked their tails between their legs and licked the hands of their Pentagon masters. |
One of the graphic images the Pentagon doesn't want Americans to see. |
Hip, Hip Hooray for Hypocrisy
Bill O’reilly bails on pro-life buddies
to justify tirade against the french
|
O’Reilly lends his image to NARAL's lapel pin. |
Wednesday 3/18/03: Arch conservative media pundit and corporate kiss ass Bill O'Reilly gave abortion rights advocates a big boost on Tuesday when he dumped his pro-life (no matter what the cost) buddies on ABC's (All Bought by Corporate) Good Morning America to justify dissing the French. O'Reilly told Charles Gibson that a woman's decision to seek an abortion is "a private matter," and he wouldn't presume to tell a woman not to get one. |
Bush Says “Get Out of Town”
promises military action
as if that was ever in doubt
Tueday, 3/17/03: President Bush-Lite told Sodomist Hussein to get out of town by sundown Monday night. Then, realizing it was already sundown, gave him 48 hours. The only one surprised by his announcement was Bush-Lite himself who was surprised no one else was surprised. After all, he's been saying an all out attack wasn't inevitable.
Guess he didn't hear the snickers in the audience.
Republicans Launch New PC Parade
The french embarrassed bush so french fries are out
|
Freedom fries to replace the all-American French Fry. |
3/11/03: The House of Corporate Representatives announced today that it would no longer serve French Fries. Why? Because the French won't support President Bush Lite's campaign to strong arm the UN Security Council into carte blanche approval for his terrorist strikes against the innocent civilians in Iraq. From now on loyal Americans will eat FREEDOM FRIES! |
Bush Says War Not Certain
No one believes him except the choir
(the same americans who think he won the election)
Friday, 3/07/03: In a last minute Thursday night press conference President George Bush Lite prepared the nation for an inevitable war with Iraq by telling us he hasn't decided to go to war yet. Does anybody believe this man anymore?
A Shining example of democracy
Thursday, 2/27/02: President Shrub, running out of excuses for invading Iraq, said last night that toppling Saddam Hussein would make Iraq a shining example of democracy that will spread through the Middle East (or "all those other countries" as he referred to the region). You can expect the War Marketing Department to be gearing up with "Free Votes not Human Sheilds" and "Bomb Saddam for Freedom" bumper stickers.
Creating a Killer Economy
|
|
George Bush, or one of his equaly brilliant planners, seems to have hit on a new economic stimulus plan: The war on terror. Don't be surprised to learn that Bush's War Marketing Department is selling ad space in administration speeches. If they can boost duct tape sales, they can sell anything. |
The Bin Laden–Iraq Connection
Three hours before Bin-Laden broadcasts a message to Iraqis on Al Jazeera, Bush's War-Marketing Department (WMD) has the translated transcript ready for the press to prove the connection between Sodomist Hussein and Osama Bend Over and the liberal my ass press was only too willing to feed into the paranoia.
IS UN irrelevant?
Bush is ready to prove his allegation that the UN is irrelevant by invading Iraq without UN sanction. After all, if the UN can't keep bullies from breaking treaties, stockpiling weapons of mass destruction and pushing jingoistic agendas on weaker countries, what good are they?
For more news stories and semi-insightful commentary, check my archives.