The Pentagon is upset with the American media for not sending TV's "hot chicks" to cover the war. Claiming that they invited the media to join them to boost both troop and American moral, the Pentagon demanded that the broadcast and cable networks send their best looking female reporters, not "old guys who anchor a desk because they can't get laid anymore."
Pentagon artist mocks up ideal broadcast featuring ABC's Elizabeth Vargas in her official Pentagon reporting outfit. The Army would settle for Laura Ingraham (inset) in a mini-skirt. |
"We're looking for the cream of the cream," said field Commander Tommy Franks. "We want reporters who will bring viewers to the TV even if they have no interest in the war. We’ll provide the information, the networks should provide the sex appeal.” When asked what reporters he wanted to see, Franks said, "I always thought that Vargas chick on Good Morning Ameica is pretty hot. Or that Chinese Chick.” When pressed, Franks admitted he wasn't referring to ABC’s Liz Cho, but to Lisa Ling on The View. "Hell, if they can't send the grade A prime, at least send someone guys will tune in for. I'd settle for Laura Ingraham in a mini-skirt.” Ingraham said she supports the war on Iraq, but doesn't want to get sand in her Donna Keren suits. |
