Cheney caught by hidden parapsychic camera during a press conference.

Cheney Admits He’s Antichrist

says He and his father can't hold a
black candle to the bush family

As US forces march on Baghdad, Vice-President Dick Cheney came out of the closet and admitted he’s the Antichrist. Cheney made the admission to Barbara Walters during an interview that White House Officials later banned from broadcast.

“It wasn’t anything I planned,” Cheny admitted, a scalding tear flowing down his cheek and burning the fabric on the studio couch. “I was a happy child until my father admitted he’s Satan."

Cheney later admitted, "I was an even happier child after that. I could run any company I pleased, screw with a nation’s energy policy, lie to the American citizens about anything I wanted, and they had to believe me."

When Walters asked if he couldn’t do all those things without being the antichrist, Cheney said, "Sure, I could. Look at Bush and Clinton. But it wouldn’t be as much fun.”

Cheney admitted he originally intended to run for President himself until he met the Bush family. “My father and I are as evil as you can get, but they seem so nice about it. Deep down inside, people just trust little George. That whole compassionate evil…., I mean conservate thing? Wow, that was a work of genius.

“I read Dale Carnegie too, but it just comes by little George naturally. Well, I guess that's obvious since the book was about a hundred and twenty pages too long for him."

Soon after the interview went to the production room, Homeland Security forces swept the ABC building and siezed all of the tapes. When the ABC threatened to sue, IRS Special Forces swept in to close the deal. “Dick loves Barabara Walters, especially when people cry. He just got a little more emotional and honest than he intended," said an inside source close to both the White House and Hell.

Hell and the White House are rumored to be negotiating an office sharing agreement.