Donald Rumsfeld, “Freedom Means License to Loot!”

Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld holds up the new bumper sticker the Pentagon is preparing to distribute to newly liberated Iraqis. The bumper sticker, which says, “Loot for Freedom” should help prepare them for their new responsibilities and privileges as free people.

4/14/03 Late ast week Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld threw a temper tantrum because reporters weren’t reporting the “good stuff” about developing events in Iraq. Rumsfeld criticized the press for focusing on rampant looting, including bank robbery and stripping luxury hotels for parts.

When the press reported that the Iraqi National Museum of History was looted of its entire collection, more than 700 years of historical artifacts, Rumsfeld decided to force them to report the “good stuff.” How?

Rumsfeld made looting a good thing. In fact, Rumsfeld told reporters yesterday that “being free allows people to do things like loot and commit crimes.” (okay, those weren't his exact words. I didn't have time to jot them down. I may have gotten them out of order, but that's pretty near exact.)

Think about it Americans, America’s War Marketing Department has given us a new freedom. Thanks to the Iraq war, you can now walk down the street, smash your grocer's or best friend’s windows, and steal everything you can cart off. Why? Because you’re free and Donald Rumsfeld said so.

If the police arrest you, so what? They can't convict you. You can say to the judge that the Iraq war made crime okay for free people. Then quote Dear Old Don Rumsfeld. Then ask, “Are the police saying that Iraqis are freer than we are? Do you want to send a message to the world that Americans don’t enjoy the rights we just gave Iraqis?”