DOD liberates State Department, Ousts Powell

Former Secretary of State Colin Powell is already making cold calls with resume in hand.

Making the most of his new political capital following the overthrow of Iraq, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld announced that the Department of Defense overthrew the Department of State during the weekend.

“The former Secretary of State jeopardized the freedom of liberated Iraqis by asking for diplomacy and suggesting more international cooperation,” Rumsfeld announced to a press conference some time after midnight Monday morning."These were the very kinds of threats to freedom and peace that we faced from Hussein and his dead buddy Bin Laden."

Rumsfeld told the empty room that the preemptive strike to oust the Powell State Department was the only solution available. “We tired to pressure other cabinet members to cooperate, but they didn’t see the clear cut threat posed by a Powell-run State Department.”

According to secret Defense Department documents, not made available to press members who weren’t invited to the press conference either, Powell, whom Rumsfeld described as a “rogue diplomat,” tried to force UN Security Council members to side with the United States during a recent controversy, and tried to pressure France and Germany to side with the US during a recent diplomatic crisis. “How can the world feel secure when a representative of the United States tries to force its will down their throats?”

Powell, who is already hand-delivering resumes to major US corporations hoping to land a position. “It’s not as easy as it used to be,” he admitted. “When I took the position at State, the economy was in better shape and people were willing to hire African-Americans. Now the few jobs out there are going to white guys.”

Powell had no explanation for the change in his job prospects since 2000.