Pentagon Finances War with Iraqi Artifacts
The Pentagon countered rumors that treasures from Iraq’s National History Museum were looted last week by listing a complete catalogue for bidding on its new web site artifacts.com. Americans and other world citizens can log on to artifacts.com to find priceless treasures that include original manuscripts of the Koran, royal jewels, statues and art work. The Pentagon is auctioning these priceless heirlooms that date back to the dawn of civilization to help pay for the war effort. “Jeez, this war thing took a lot more firepower than we expected and we did a lot of damage to American equipment that will have to be replaced and repaired,” said Jim-Bob Walton, Pentagon representative. Members of Walton’s family who now run the Walmart business empire approached the Pentagon with this unique opportunity to finance the war when looting started last week. “We thought that we should liberate the treasures as well as the people of Iraq,” Walton said. Reminded that President Bush promised Iraq’s resources would be used for the Iraqi people, Walton responded, “These aren’t resources. This is old shit that nobody in Iraq can afford anyway. When they get rich, they can buy it back.” |
Secretary of Defense Rumsfeld takes bids on priceless Mesopotamian treasure. You can see larger samples by following this link. |
The now-defensive Walton added that the treasures will be used for the people of Iraq. “They're paying off their fucking debt to us, all right. We went into a huge deficit and the President, like, totally ignored the economy just so we could free them from Saddam. What did they think, we would do it for free? Next thing you know, they’ll expect us to give back their oil.”
Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld launched the web site with a televised pay-per-view auction to corporate sponsors who helped free Iraqis by donating money to the Bush campaign.