Troops Capture Wile E. Coyote & Terrorist Cohorts
|
Terrorist Wile E. Coyote, number 12 on the US list of most wanted terrorist is captured at the Iraq/Syria border. |
US Troops captured the number 12 most wanted terrorist, Wile E. Coyote, as he tried to cross the Iraq/Syria border late Tuesday night. The wily coyote put up quite a fight with ACME scud missiles, a 20 megaton ACME anvil, and by painting the image of an escape tunnel onto rock hoping to lure troops into smashing into the rock wall. Unfortunately for Coyote, the scud missiles turned around and blew up his missile launcher, the anvil fell onto his head and crushed him, and a Sergeant York tank emerged from the newly painted tunnel and blew him up. “This is a great day for America,“ said Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, who personally announced the capture hoping to regain some of the face he lost for the military's loss of Iraqi national treasures and the entire Iraqi infrastructure. “This sends a message to other terrorists that their day is coming.” Coyote tried to escape from prison immediately after his capture by stuffing plastic explosives into the keyhole of his cell. Instead of opening the cell door, the explosives destroyed the cell, causing tons of debris to smother him. Then he set an ACME laser beam on his guards, but a helpful Iraqi road runner seems to have turned the assembly instructions upside down because the beam sliced his own arm off. |
Coyote was considered to be one of the most dangerous remaining terrorists at large. According to Rumsfeld, his terrible crimes included, “All kinds of things. Really. We have this on the highest authority. It’s as good as any of our other intelligence.” When asked to be more specific, Rumsfeld declined, citing national security and Warner Brothers’ copyright protections.
Soon after Coyote’s capture, Bugs Bunny and Tasmanian Devil, the other two members of his notorious terrorist cell, turned themselves in. Bunny and Devil were numbers 13 and 14 on the most wanted list. Upon his surrender, Bunny’s only statement was, “I give up, doc.” The terrorists are being held in Baghdad for trial under the new Iraqi constitution, and , because Iraq no longer has a Constitution and therefore has no constitutional freedoms, they will be executed immediately afterward.
 |
Bud Bunny, left, and Tasmanian Devil, above, surrendered soon after Coyote’s capture. Both will be executed thanks to the lack of protections under the new, non-exist ant Iraqi constitution. |
