Bush Bombs UN

After repeated warnings that the UN should support America’s war on terrorism or get out of the way, the United States acted unilaterally to stop what President Bush called, “dilly-dallying and obstructification.”

At five a.m. this moring, a B-52 bomber dropped a single smart bomb on the roof of the UN building, reducing it to rubble. Twelve janitors, two guides who arrived early for work, and a couple taking early morning snapshots for their photo album were believed to be killed in the bombing.

Secretary of State Colin Powell said, “We regret civilian casualties, but if the UN insists on putting military targets in the middle of a city, and keeping it staffed, people will die.”

Pentagon officials admitted the bombing was the American response to the UN Security Council’s refusal to lift sanctions against post-war Iraq. “If you aren’t part of the problem you’re against the solutionizing,” President Bush warned other nations in a pre-recorded press conference taped before his bedtime.

UN building reduced to rubble by US bombing. Bush administration intends to send a signal to “rogue, terrorist organizations that can’t get with the agenda.

UN building Tuesday afternoon, one day prior to US retaliation against organization’s support for international terrorism.

“If you aren’t fighting terrorists, you’re terrible yourself,” he added.

US officials repeatedly offered the UN an opportunity to sign on to their war with Iraq, and when the UN dragged its feet , the US was forced to act with a last-minute, poorly organized “coalition of the willing” to impose its will on the a nation collapsing under UN sanctions.

US officials admit the expected the UN to learn their lesson from the experience, but instead the UN insisted that their sanctions, imposed in the 1990s after US pressure, remain intact until inspectors could verify that weapons of mass destruction were gone.

“If we can’t find them, how the heck will they?” President Bush said, swearing with frustration. “Besides, everyone knew we were lying. That Blixen fellow, the one named after the reindeer, even admitted our documents were forged. They made us do this. It’s not our fault.”

No questions were asked since reporters were invited.

Bush closed the conference with the statement, “It was a tough decision, but I asked myself what Jesus would do. Then I ordered the bombing.”