Bush declares God an International Terrorist
Tells UN God’s attacks on the midwest did more damage THAN 911
wants preemptive strike on natural weapons of mass destruction
|
President George Bush personally appeared before the UN Security Council early this week in an attempt to have God declared an International Terrorist. ”The tornados God released on the Midwest are weapons of mass destruction more powerful than nuclear bombs or biological weapons,” the President declared. “None of us can feel safe while they’re out there unchallenged.” |
President Bush presents UN Security Council with damning evidence of God’s terrorist attack on Midwest late last week. |
The President claimed the damage done by God’s tornados is worse than the damage caused by 911 and yesterday’s terrorist attacks in Saudi Arabia and Yemen put together. “What is even more scaryable is the fact that he also has hurricanes and tsunomics and stuff we have yet to see.”
Critics have suggested Bush is upset that God won’t share his weapons technology with the United States, a claim Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld denies. “When you're air force can wipe out a poorly equipped and malnourished Republican guard in three weeks, who needs God?” Rumsfeld told reporters.
President Bush admitted that the United States and God were former allies (similar to the US and Iraq in the Eighties), but says a rift has been forming over God’s human rights policies for quite some time. “God can’t just up and unleash massive destruction on a country the way he did on the United States,” a teary-eyed President told council members. He added that rampant looting has further hindered efforts to rebuild the United States.
Delegates from France and Russia suggested that God might be punishing Iraq for it's own campaign of destruction in Iraq. “Nonsense,” the President answered. “Why would God be mad at us? We were only helping our neighbors, which is a Biblicable command. Like turning the other cheek around.”