7/17/03: We received the following e-mail, purportedly from Joe Krank, last night. He said he was being held in solitary confinement in Guantanamo, but was able to pass his latest news and opinion to a technologically savvy bug placed in his cell. He denies rumors that he was taken captive during a visit to an S/M parlor in Ardmore, Oklahoma while looking into the Democratic redistricting scandal in Texas.
The Bush-Lite administration, faced with increasing criticism from an inconsequential liberal my ass media, told reporters and the equally inconsequential Republicrat party of annoyance (formerly known as Democrats) to get over it. He lied and there's nothing they can do about it.
What are they going to do? Call for impeachment with a Republican majority in the House.
Bush-Lite also claimed that polls show sixty percent of British voters and forty-four percent of Americans are angry about the war. "When you do your subrtactionating, that means more than ninety percent of Britains and Americans actually support our ongoing peace effort," the President claimed as he grasped at the straws holding him to the podium.
The Bush-Lite administration claims the statement lied,Bush-Lite didn't. Or maybe they claimed the British lied, Bush-Lite didn't. President Bush-Lite made it clear, however, that he didn't consider it lying since he didn't really care about national and international support, he decided to invade Iraq while high on coke at a drunken frat party after his father pulled out of Iraq in 1990.
"Right then and there, I decided to be President and to do good and kick Saddam's butt," a more clean and sober (but not necessarily more clean-headed and sober-thinking) President Bush-Lite said.
Bush-Lite added, "Besides, it's not like I lied about getting a blow job or anything really bad." A White House poll indicated that sixty percent of Americans agree that the President "didn't lie about getting a blow job," with thirty percent saying they weren't sure whether or not the President lied about getting a blow job, and ten percent saying that if they never got a blow job they would "sure as hell lie and say they got more than one."
Never Rush to judgment. Think for yourself.
--Joe Krank