Department of Justice Recruits
Former Iraqi Security Forces

Attorney General John Ascot meets with recruits from Iraq's disband security forces.

8/25/03 Attorney General John Ashcroft announced that the Pentagon will recruit former Iraqi security agents recruited by the Pentagon.

"These guys are just the ticket to enforce Patriot Act II when we shove it down Congress' throat," Ashcroft said."Before we got to Iraq there was no dissent whatsoever. When it did show up, it disappeared overnight. Once we got in there, terrorists began popping up everywhere.

"That shows us who knows how to keep terrorists in check, and who's just a bunch of bleeding-heart pussies sucking up to some liberal terrorist agenda," Ashcroft added. "We need more of those first guys."

CIA director Bill Tenet later questioned whether Ashcroft has the authority to employ former Iraqi security agents, or to force them on the CIA. Ashcroft replied, "That just shows who's a patriot around here, and who isn't likely to keep his job."

Ashcroft felt the recruitment of the Iraqis would be perfectly timed for the introduction of Patriot Act III, which would be implemented without a Congressional vote. None of the provisions of the act will be made available to any member of Congress or the public, nor will anyone be notified when the Patriot III will become law. Ashcroft added that once the Act goes into effect "no one will ever hear of any suspected terrorists again either."

New recruits seem eager to start their stateside DOJ training. Huss Saddamein, a former Iraqi security commander whose rank remains undisclosed, said, "There are many of us ready to carry on this campaign in the US."

New DOJ recruit Huss Saddamein can't wait to work in America.